One Day to Live, Love, and Moped All Around
by Perminator
Summary: Lily and James are resurrected for one day. Involves L/J love, D/H love, and things Harry Potter characters shouldn't say (All the makings for the SUPER FAN FIC! Haw haw haw!)


A/N: Hello, all. I have decided that 'Things Harry Potter Characters Would Never Say', L/J, and D/H get too many reviews. As a review stunt, I am trying to combine them all into a SUPER FIC! Bru ha ha! Anyway, I do not own any of the characters, but I do own this SUPER FIC! It's written the way a fic is supposed to be and EVERYTHING! (Real author's note: Yes, this is scaring me writing this. It's supposed to be a parody on over-used fics. Bear with me. That's why no one is in character!)  
  
***  
  
James: Yawn! Where am I?  
  
Unknown Man: I resurrected you and Lily for the fun of it.  
  
Lily: Yawn! Where am I?  
  
Unknown Man: I resurrected you and James for the fun of it.  
  
James: Oh. Where are we?  
  
Lily: Oh. Where are we?  
  
James/Lily: Jinx!  
  
(They start making out uncontrollably)  
  
Unknown Man: Hey! Now, you can only be resurrected for one day. So, I am taking you to see your son!  
  
Lily: Our son? I have not seen him in such a long time!  
  
James: (Tears up) I am so proud of him.  
  
Lily and James hug, and then start making out uncontrollably.  
  
Unknown Man: We need to hurry up. Your time is running out.  
  
They flew, mopeded, swam, bicycled, jogged, moose back rode, ran, and skipped to Hogwarts. After ten minutes of travel, they arrived at the castle.  
  
Unknown Man: I have to go do unknown stuff. Keep your head down, and enjoy your day alive. Remember! Only people over the age of 35 can see you, or some far-fetched plot line similar to that....  
  
Lily and James bid good bye to their unknown friend, and made their way up to the Hogwarts castle.  
  
James: Gee golly, gee whiz. It looks exactly the same since the day we left!  
  
Lily: Yes! It does! Remember the day Severus Snape beat the shit out of you? That happened right over there!  
  
James: (Wipes tear from eye) Those were the good 'ole days.  
  
Lily: Come on! We only have one day to see our son and what has happened over the years!  
  
James: Oh pooey.  
  
Lily and James flew, mopeded, swam, bicycled, jogged, moose back rode, ran, and skipped to the entrance of the castle.  
  
When they reached the last step, the door flew open to reveal Minerva McGonagall.  
  
Minerva: I have been expecting you, James.  
  
Lily: What about me?  
  
Minerva: Well, now that you mention it, I have been expecting you too.  
  
James: How is our son doing?  
  
Minerva: I have walked in on him snogging in empty classrooms, which I mention always seem to be deserted, on one too many occasions.  
  
Lily: He must be very advanced for his age.  
  
Minerva McGonagall gave them a stern look because that is the only look she knows how to give.  
  
James: So has anything changed around here?  
  
Minerva gave them another stern look.  
  
Minerva: Well, all of our Defense Against the Dark Arts professors have been really fucked up for one reason or another. Voldemort likes to make uncharted visits. We have had problems with someone evil, one way or another, for the past four years, and Severus Snape teaches Potions.  
  
Lily/James: Gasp!  
  
Lily/James: Jinx!  
  
They start making out uncontrollably.  
  
Minerva gave them yet another stern look.  
  
  
Minerva: I will take you up to the Gryffindor common room so you can spy on your child and his habits.  
  
Lily, James, and Minerva flew, mopeded, swam, bicycled, jogged, moose back rode, ran, and skipped to the Gryffindor common room. Minerva said the password ('slash fiction') and the portrait of the fat lady (who, I might add has no name) swung open.  
  
James: (With a tear in his eye) It's just the way I remember it!  
  
Lily: Look! Is that our son over there?  
  
Lily pointed to a fat kid with strawberry blonde hair and a runny nose.  
  
Minerva: No, that's your son right there.  
  
She pointed to Harry.  
  
James: Oh.  
  
Minerva slipped out the portrait. Lily and James went to go spy on their child.  
  
Harry was slaving over a piece of parchment. On the top, there was a title that was titled "Things People I Know Would Never Say"  
  
Voldemort: I am not evil!  
  
Snape: Five-million points to Hufflepuff...I mean Gryffindor!  
  
Dumbledore: I do not know.  
  
Hagrid: Yes, it is called the Phonics Game. I love it.  
  
Hedwig: Bark.  
  
Wormtail: I am a true Gryffindor.  
  
Quirrell: Lovely day, isn't it?  
  
Mad-Eye Moody: Mind if I have a drink?  
  
Hermione: Gasp! There is a house elf in my bed! Run away! Run away!  
  
Percy: Damn those wretched ministry employees!  
  
Ron: Look at this shiny quarter I found.  
  
Tony Danza: I reckon I will go try these new roller skates I just bought.  
  
(fine)  
  
James and Lily stared at each other.  
  
James: Our son is a genius!  
  
Lily: Oh, wherever did he get it from?  
  
Ron and Hermione now entered looked tired and worn out.  
  
Ron: Hello Harry.  
  
Harry: Hello Ron.  
  
Hermione: Hello Harry.  
  
Harry: Hello Hermione.  
  
Ron: Hello Hermione.  
  
Hermione: Hello Ron.  
  
Harry: I...um...have to sneak around the castle and do illegal things.  
  
Ron: Okay, have fun.  
  
Hermione: Don't do anything TOO illegal!  
  
Harry grabbed his invisibility cloak...  
  
James: That's my boy!  
  
...and ran out, in a hurry. His parents followed closely behind.  
  
He ran into a deserted classroom (where else would he go in a hurry?). He closed to door behind him. No less than thirty seconds later, Draco Malfoy raced in.  
  
Draco: Where have you been, my darling?  
  
Harry stretched himself out on the abandoned teacher's desk.  
  
Harry: Fantasizing about you, my dragon of love.  
  
Draco: (laughs evilly, but tries to make it sound lovable) You think like a wild tiger. Roar!  
  
Harry batted his eyelashes.  
  
James put his hand over his eyes.  
  
James: I cannot watch this....  
  
Lily: Oh, James, be reasonable. Whoever our son loves should be his choice.  
  
Draco: When we were in Potions today, I could not help thinking what was under that robe of yours.  
  
Lily: I think I am going to vomit. We better get out of here...it's quarter until midnight, and then we will be dead again....  
  
Before they could walk out of the classroom, they heard a strikingly familiar voice.  
  
Strikingly Familiar Voice: Alohomora!  
  
The door swung open to reveal...SEVERUS SNAPE!  
  
Everyone: Gasp!  
  
Snape: (Looking at James and Lily) What are you two doing here?  
  
Snape: (Looking at Draco and Harry) What are you two doing here?  
  
Harry: We...er...I...er...well, I am lost!  
  
He mustered a glazed look in his eyes.  
  
Snape: I know better than that. Malfoy what are you doing here?  
  
Malfoy: I...er...um...am looking to destroy the Chamber of Secrets??  
  
Snape gave the two of them an evil look. He is like McGonagall; he can only give one look.  
  
Snape: James, Lily, what are you doing here?  
  
Before they could answer, the clock struck midnight and they died. Sad isn't it?   
  
Snape: Well, that explains that.  
  
He gave Harry an evil look.  
  
Snape: Malfoy, head back to the common room. Harry, put your pants back on and follow me.  
  
Harry did as he was told and followed Snape out the door.  
  
Snape: I'm tired and I can't think of any creative punishment for you, so I'll just take fifty points, and we'll call ourselves even...  
  
Harry looked at him with an odd expression. Snape gave him an evil expression in return.  
  
Snape:...for the time being.  
  
Harry: Oh, I see. What were you talking about when you said James and Lily, and some mumble jumble like that?  
  
Snape: Be quiet.  
  
Harry went to sleep and pondered the night he could have had with Draco. Draco with his vampire like looks, and 4 inch...  
  
Ron: What illegal things did you do tonight?  
  
Harry: *sigh* I ran into Snape.  
  
Ron looked as if he choked on something.  
  
THE END (All the 'cool' stories end on something vague and confusing!  
  
***  
  
A/N (Again): Please, please, please, please do not take this seriously, as it was not meant to be! If I offended anyone, I am sorry, but I do not know how I could have....and please, please, please, please, 105.7 The Point, please play Deep! (I have to remind them, wherever I go, whatever I do.) Remember: Green paint is on the saint! No paint makes me faint! (Or something like that...Bombs Over Baghdad...does this song ever not play?)  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
